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Why I Started This Blog

Know one thing, on this blog, I'm going to talk from the heart. That's all. I'm going to be UN-Biased (or try my best). If I offend, I apologize, it's not my intention. Just think of me as a child learning to walk, I may stumble and break your favorite vase, I didn't mean it - just lost my balance!

2011 was a very troublesome year for me. I felt pain in EVERY aspect of my life. I saw great failure, I was afraid most of the time, I suffered great loss and I spent most of the year lost in darkness.

- I experienced great physical illness, even coming close to staring death (once again) in the eyes. 
- I witnessed professional failures.
- I was betrayed in the greatest of ways by some I considered family.
- I lost confidence in my dreams.
- A company I spent my life building withered right before my eyes.
- And most of all, I lost the one thing that meant the most to me, my first and true love.

Sound sappy? Call it what you will - I'm the one who had to live it. It changed me.
As of the moment I write this blog, I don't feel it changed me for the better, it's made me quiet, it's made me sad and it's made me separate myself from the world.

This is not the right way to live. I know that. So, here-in begins my journey.

I feel that what happened to me was not 'by chance' - there is a lesson to learn in this. Whether it was the hand of God teaching me or whether it was Karma from the Universe - "something" has been at play. I have full intention of going to any extent on this earth to find what it is.

I lost my love due to religion so that's where I was last left off with my questions. See, I'm a 'born Hindu' - meaning my family practices the religion and whenever asked before "what religion are you?" - it's always been convenient to say "I'm hindu."


It wasn't till about 2 months ago that I actually asked myself...

"Wait, what does that mean? Are you Hindu? Yea? Well, explain in ONE sentence what Hinduism is?" 

Guess what? I had no FRIGGIN clue. That's a shame, a great shame.  The woman I fell in love with (who also shared that love) is Christian, but a devout Christian. She knows what her faith is. She knows what she stands for.

Her faith is so strong, she had to part ways with me for it. As upsetting, heart-breaking and enraging as it has been, can be and is - one has to take a minute to be humbled by it too. At least she knows what she stands for (no matter what she has to put on the line for it).

In the end of the day, the question is, what am "I" standing for? My religion? Well obviously not...so, then, it must be EGO right? That's not right. That's not love.

Furthermore, apparently the last few years I've been on a wrong path - I've made tons of mistakes. Why? How? Where? How do I fix it?

This entire internal struggle has became far more than just about winning back my love. It's now become a CORE question of "who am I?" .. "what am I?"

Hence, I begin my journey - spending hours a day to educate myself. As of THIS moment of writing this, I'm going to say I'm "agnostic" - I believe in GOD, but don't give him a name. I will now journey into the world and see what's out there.

I'll report back and hopefully you learn with me.

Who knows where I'm going though. Maybe after my search I'm still agnostic, maybe I embrace Hinduism, maybe I'm a Christian or maybe I'm just as confused as I am now...

Just know this. This is a safe place. No one's trying to convert you here. I wish a blog like this was around when I started my journey, I wish I had some guidance here. I figure others in the world are where I am and maybe we can all learn together.

Please comment, participate and if I'm wrong - correct me.  The only comments I'll ever delete are radical ones with an underlying goal of conversion - keep that out of here. So...


Pack your bags and make sure not to forget a comfy pair of shoes...we have the world to visit!

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